Both Win①I(mǎi)n this picture, we can see tow ②disable people abandon thire③wood legs and support by④ each other go further. They help themselves!
From the drawing, we can learn that coorporation ⑤has a significance ⑥to the people who has not perfect body. You have a leg, I have a leg, you and me get together that we can go everywhere we wanted⑦。
Furthermore it is ⑧also can bring benifit ⑨t(yī)o normal person. There are old words that if put there fool man together they can beat a extremly wisdom man ⑩. For example,there are tou 11small firms, they have little power independently, but if they make a coorporation12,there will be a good consequnce13,a big company will form and have 14a 15greater influence. Thus both of them are win16.
Above all, we can see that coorporation 17is not18 only good andhelpourselves19,but also our partener can get a lot of profit either20.It is a while worth thing ,we should persist to do and help ohers21 and ourselves all the time,then we will all win。
此篇文章批改如下:
① 通常大作文不用寫(xiě)題目。你可以想表達(dá)的意思是“雙贏”,慣常的表達(dá)應(yīng)該是win-win。
② 拼寫(xiě)錯(cuò)誤,正確的應(yīng)該為two
③ 拼寫(xiě)錯(cuò)誤,正確的應(yīng)該為their
④ 要么是supported by each other或者是support each other
⑤ 拼寫(xiě)錯(cuò)誤,正確的應(yīng)該為cooperation
⑥ 語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤,改為:is significant或者is of great significance
⑦ 這是直接翻譯漫畫(huà)中的字幕,應(yīng)當(dāng)安排在第一自然段中。
⑧ is應(yīng)該刪除
⑨ 拼寫(xiě)錯(cuò)誤,正確的應(yīng)該為benefit
⑩ 明顯的中式英文,讀起來(lái)不順。改為:If put together, fool men can beat the wisdoms。
20 句子有語(yǔ)病。本句賓語(yǔ)從句的主語(yǔ)是cooperation,所以后面應(yīng)該圍繞cooperation來(lái)說(shuō),但but also后面又換了主語(yǔ)our partners。后半句改為but also can make our partners get a lot of profit too。